Prepared.

I've been to the store. Three kinds of protein shakes (actually 4, there's one that isn't in the pic), Jell-o, fat free greek yogurt, fat free cottage cheese, decaf instant coffee (for adding to shakes), broth, a couple kinds of soup, propel, True Lemon (for flavoring water and possibly the yogurt).

In 48 hours, my life will have changed forever.

Three more days!

I'm coming into the home stretch! Tomorrow, Sunday, will be my last day of solid food for about a month! I've got 4 kinds of protein (3 powders and a 2 cases of ready to drink), and all of my vitamins are ready to go. This weekend I am working on cleaning the house, particularly dusting and vacuuming, to help keep my allergies at bay. I figure sneezing with 6 incisions is probably not going to be much fun.

I got a call today from my surgeon to make sure I am ready and that I know not to "pig out" (her words, not mine) this weekend. I respect her as a surgeon, but I resent some of the implications from her that I am "non-compliant" or "difficult". She lectured me about how the patients who do as they're told are the ones who are successful and don't have complications. This goes back, I think, to the fact that I have had some difficulty losing the neccessary weight prior to surgery. But you know...it's DIFFICULT. That's WHY I am having surgery. And I did it, even though it's meant hovering at well under 1500 calories a day (which is a huge deficit for someone my size). I kind of wish she would congratulate me on having lost 30 lbs on my own, and cut the lecturing. I am going to keep telling myself that she means well.

I got my call from pre-op on Friday with orders to be at the hospital at 6am on Tuesday. My surgery is officially scheduled from 8-12:15. It seems unreal that it's so close now. I've had a bit of anxiety, but not very much. I've read and researched and asked questions. I've chatted with friends and my therapist. I feel like I am pretty well versed on what to expect, and that helps me a lot in terms of not freaking out. And if I do freak out, when it gets a bit closer...well, I have Klonopin for that.

Here's my to-do list for the remainder of this weekend:

• go to the grocery store for skim milk, non-fat yogurt, cottage cheese, and broth
• launder the new nightgown, yoga pants, and pajamas that I plan to live in next week
• clean, dust, vacuum, etc
• organize the office/sewing room
• pack toiletry bag for hospital (cetaphil, 2-in-1 shampooo/conditioner, toothpaste and brush, lotion, chapstick, etc)

I think that's mostly it. I think I am ready. I hope I am, anyway.

Good riddance, 2009.

2009 was kind of a shite year for us, especially the month of November. In November, our sweet calico Random was diagnosed with cancer and subsequently died the day after Thanksgiving. And my mom crossed a line, leading to me not speaking to my parents, or seeing them for Christmas, which has made me very sad, but it's neccessary. Oh, and I ran out of Cymbalta and got an ugly 2-week-long reminder of the fact that I have a chemical imbalance that requires medication, and that I am incapable of controlling my anxiety. Because, you know, you can't really control your brain chemicals.

On New Year's Eve, I had an appointment with my surgeon's nurse practitioner, as well as a pre-op with anesthesiology. I still need to lose about 10 lbs. I am doing Atkins until my surgery date, because that's the only diet that I've ever actually lost any weight on. Mmmm...bacon. I took NYE and yesterday off, but I am back on it hardcore today and I need to stick with it so that I can at least get close to the pre-surgery weight of 370 that my surgeon wants to see.

I'm not really making resolutions this year. I feel like I am doing enough to make major changes in my life by having this surgery and going back to school...I don't really need to make a list. I feel like I have set a lot of big things in motion, and I am really feeling positive about 2010.

Preparation is the key to success...I hope.

I've spent a lot of time over the past few weeks preparing, planning, thinking, and...buying. I want to make sure that when I come home from the hospital, I have everything I need for those intial weeks. I am guessing I will be feeling pretty crappy, and I don't want to have to scramble around assembling the things that I need.

For Christmas, one of the things that I got is an immersion blender. It's a neat gadget that I can use to puree various foods when I am in the soft/pureed foods phase. (Tangent: for any of my non-op friends who are reading this, I have to gradually return to eating solid foods - first I will be on clear liquids, then full liquids [like cream soups and stuff], then soft or pureed foods, and finally back to solids.) I am trying to think of things that won't be gross pureed. A lot of the "recipes" I have found involve pureeing things like chicken or ham, which just seems disgusting to me. I am thinking refried beans, maybe chili, soups, stuff like that. I have some unflavored protein powder to add to foods during that phase so that I can amp up the protein, since I won't be eating much meat.

I've also ordered or purchased all of the vitamins that I will need. I found out a couple of months ago that my levels of vitamin D and iron are very low, and that's with a whole stomach! This brings home for me just how important it's going to be for me to take all of my vitamins every single day. I have to take chewables for the first couple of months, and then I can switch to a capsule if I want.

For a multi, I've landed on Trader Joe's chewables. They taste good, have a negligible amount of sugar in them, and have all of the nutrients that I need in a multi. I will take two of them per day, because I won't absorb as much after my surgery. I also need to take calcium citrate - not carbonate or any other form. The reason it has to be citrate is that other forms require stomach acid to break them down so that they can be absorbed, and I won't have enough acid to do that after surgery. I finally found a calcium chewable that doesn't taste like fruity ass: the orange flavored chewable from Building Blocks Vitamins (and if you click on the second link, and look on the left, they will send you free samples). I got the raspberry iron from them as well, which is also in the best form for WLS patients, ferrous fumarate. I will also take a sublingual b12 twice per week.

I've got some protein powder and some ready-to drink-shakes, but I will probably need to get some more. A lot of those things are pretty damn gross. The one that I have found that I like most so far is Click, but it really doesn't have the ideal nutrition stats for a WLS patient, since it has caffeine and 7g of sugar to only 15g of protein. It's really, really good though. Muscle Milk light ready-to-drink is decent, as is the Optimum Choice powder that I have. I think I may get one more thing just for variety, because I am going to have to consume a LOT of protein (what are you laughing at?) after my surgery, so that my body doesn't try to consume my muscle because it thinks I am not feeding it enough.

I guess the only thing I've got left to do is maybe make a couple of pureed meals to freeze. I think that those little half-cup gladware things will be perfect for freezing individual portions. I'lll wait and do that a bit closer to S-Day though.